Capitol Hill Bake Sale

I am trying to determine if the US government has finally come up with a viable plan to raise funds in a way that does NOT involve raising taxes (or that silly notion of actually paying attention to where all of the billions of dollars are being spent).

I think they are gearing up for the mother of all bake sales. I mean, really...there must be a good idea SOMEWHERE within all this madness. 

You see, the USDA is debating whether or not to purchase 400,000 tons of sugar in order to limit the available supply, in turn, boosting the dollar amount made by sugar producers. 

I'll give you three guesses as to why the government is actually involved in this sweet deal. It's really not the bake sale idea (brilliant as it may be), nor does it have anything to do with our nation's dramatic increase in waistline measurements (though a sugar tax has been proposed in order to combat our nation's obesity problem, but the idea was fairly short-lived. What would we eat, for crying out loud??) And if your third guess is anything beyond self-serving, well, think again. We're talking about politicians, after all. It's the government.

AND, the government wants its money back. That's right, the subsidized sugar industry owes the government a whole bunch of money and they are defaulting on their loans, so the Capitol Hill Boys are proposing this brilliant idea: let's buy a whole bunch of sugar and drive up the price of candy so that the sugar industry will then make enough money to pay back the cash they owe. 

What the hell is the government going to do with 400,000 tons of sugar?  

Perhaps the legislators should have passed the amendment proposed last summer. It was a novel idea: Stop subsidizing the sugar industry. Plain and simple. But of course, this is a little sticky, because the government doesn't pay off the sugar manufacturers the same way they pay off the corn and wheat farmers. Instead, they limit the imports. Incidentally, the government's iron-fisted control over the sugar supply is estimated to cost the United States over 3.5 billion dollars and 20,000 jobs. Every year. 

Even stickier when you recognize the fact that sugar manufacturers spent two million bucks last year on lobbying their favorite friends in the legislature.

Never mind that the US does not export processed sugar to anyone in the world, and never mind that 6 of the top ten sugar consuming countries (per capita) are found just below us on the world map (and none of those countries rank high in sugar production).  

No...let's buy our own sugar, drive up the prices for our own citizens, not sell it anywhere else in the world, continue subsidizing the whole operation, and slow down job growth at the Wonka factories throughout the country because they can't afford the main ingredient in their Everlasting Gobstoppers...the sugar.

Brilliant. 

I am certain there is about to be a MONSTROUS Bake Sale...they may even fill up RFK Stadium with vendors...think of the possibilities!  Click the link below to try the recipe for what MY vendor table would feature:

Chocolate Idiot Cake